This is my brother. He is dead. I MISS HIM! I cry… a lot. 90% of the time it’s because I’m missing my brother, and the other 10% of the time, it’s because of something else that seems 100 times worse because I miss my brother.

I’m a positive person, and I’m doing everything I can to keep living my life and not let Joey’s death be the end of my story, so people say, “Look at how great you’re doing. You lost you’re brother, but you’re ok.” But I’m not ok. I’m not “over it.” I am working through it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I would give anything to have one more hour to talk to Joe about all the things that I’ve discovered about myself, about life, even about him. But that’s not going to happen, so I just have to keep moving, keep living, keep trying.

Maybe this seems like a pity party… maybe it is. But I just want to say – quit trying to make me  or see me as “all better.” That’s not going to happen. The reason you say, “I can’t imagine…” is because you really can’t imagine.

I know this sounds like an angry rant, but please know that I’m not angry at anyone (well, ok, I’m a little angry with that George Martinez guy). I know most of you mean well. I just think we need to be real about grief. You don’t get over a loved one’s death the way you get over a cold. And you don’t even get over it the way you do a break-up. Death is final. You learn to live without the person, but it’s painful & to pretend that anyone who has lost someone they love is “ok now,” is foolish.

I love you all. I know you love me, too. Let’s just be real with one another and know that it’s ok to hurt so long as you’re not alone.