Alive!

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Joey’s “life is fun” smile

I debated sharing this very personal and very special moment I had Wednesday, but in the end I decided it’s all part of my journey. This blog is about being totally true to myself and sharing myself with my readers, and I can’t claim to “Never Betray” if I hold anything back.

So here goes. I’ve been in a really good place in the grief process over the last few months. I still miss Joey a ton, but I know that living my life well is really my only option. And I feel certain it’s exactly what Joe would want for me. So every day, I purpose to live this day to the best of my ability. I purpose to love on my husband and kids and really invest in them; I get active whenever possible; and I love, love, love people.

I’ve been doing cycle classes pretty regularly for a couple of months now, and it’s a workout I really enjoy. Makes me think I’ll be looking for a good bike in the near future.  And my fave instructor had played this song I just love a while back. It’s called Alive by Kim Walker (Jesus Culture).

I connected instantly with the song because it so perfectly describes the phenomenon I’ve seen in my own life this past year and a half.  It talks of God breathing life into my lungs and making me alive because He is alive.

I’ve just been listening to it over and over for some time now, so of course, when it was played during cycle again on Wednesday, I was really into it as I worked hard, just really focussing on God and thanking Him for all the strength He’s given me to really come alive. And then suddenly I saw (in my mind) this picture of a great mass of people like a crowd at a concert jumping up and down and singing this song at the tops of their lungs, and right in the middle of this crowd was Joey, looking at me with that smile, the one reserved for especially thrilling moments like the top of the best hill on our favorite roller coasters. He was so alive, and we were so connected in that moment. Him in heaven and me on earth, worshipping God together.

It was a precious gift from the Lord to see that, not because I was in the depths of despair and needed it, but because He just chose to bless me with it. And I’m so thankful.

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