The view from the start of today’s run.

So this blog feels a little like your house the day after that huge party you planned for months. It was great fun, but now it’s over, you’ve cleaned up, and now you just can’t seem to figure out what to do with all the energy you’d previously spent planning.

Of course, my journey isn’t over. Nor is my grief. I have released Joey, said my big goodbye, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving him or missing him. I will always love him. I will always miss him. I will always be a different me without him in the world.

But I do feel like it’s time for this phoenix to rise above the fire & ashes and to fly with my own wings. I want to keep writing because that’s a big part of who I am, and I’ll probably still mention Joe from time to time, but you may see some changes around here as I make NEVER BETRAY more mine.

My goals for the first year A.J. (After Jello) were to start running and finish a 5k with Joey’s ashes in tow. Well, I did it! Now it’s time for me to set new goals to crush with all the fire & tenacity you’d expect from Joey’s kin. So, here we go…

• In October 2013, I’m doing the Color Run in Nashville with my “Double Diva” mom friends, aka moms of twins & trips. My goal is to run the whole thing with no walking.
• I want to do the Zombie Run next year with my husband and not get “bitten” in the first hundred yards.
• I’d also like to increase my 5k speed, though at this point I don’t have a real idea of what time frame is reasonable to get to a 12 min/mile pace (from a 14 min/mile pace) – will get more specific with this goal later.
• I’m working toward running 1000 miles now, but I’m not putting a time limit on it because well, I’m just not that rigid about my goals.
• I expect to lose quite a bit more weight over the next year, but honestly, that’s just the gravy on my fit-life biscuits. Yep, I just compared fitness and weight-loss to biscuits & gravy. So, what? I live in the South. I don’t live by the scale. I check-in on a semi-regular weekly basis at the Y, but I refuse to keep one in my house. I just got around to taking my measurements for the first time last week, and I will probably check those once a month or so, just to keep myself motivated.

Maybe it sounds weird, but my fitness journey isn’t about looking a certain way or even about physical health, per se. For me, it’s about making my life count. It’s about DOING life, and when I run I feel amazing. I feel like I am kicking life’s ass. And I’m preparing myself to show my kids how to LIVE. Next year, we can do the Zoo-Run-Run together, though they’ll prob still need to be pushed in the strollers, but right now I can chase them around the yard and have spontaneous dance parties without collapsing after 10 minutes. And we can go on nature walks and go camping, and mommy won’t pass out from the heat because she’s carrying around all that extra padding. And we can enjoy yummy food without making it our god. And we can just live…