As with most of my workouts, this was a great time for God to minister to my heart. I really hope I won’t offend any of my followers who may not share my same belief system, but this experience was wrapped up in my grief process, and I can’t leave any of it out if I want to be true to myself.
The biking portions of this class were definitely advanced in comparison to what I have been doing. At one point near the end of the last bike interval as we climbed at a particularly high resistance, this Matt Redman song came on. He sang of reaching the top of the mountain and looking back to realize that through the climb we’d never once been alone, and I couldn’t help thinking of the mountain of grief I’ve been climbing over this past year plus. I don’t know if I’ll ever metaphorically “reach the top,” but I know I’ll never stop climbing.
I also thought about all the places Joey biked and how the resistance I was feeling on this bike right now might compare to what he had felt at times, but he rarely, if ever, gave up. The tears began to fall as I pushed myself harder than I’ve pushed before knowing that Joey would be so proud of what I’m doing and where I’m going.
The song also speaks of how far He’s brought me, and that couldn’t hit closer to home. A year ago, trying a class like this would have been completely ludicrous for me. Today I made it to the end. When Joey died, it felt like my life was shattered, and I wasn’t sure how to keep moving forward. But deep within me, the Spirit of God touched my heart, ministered peace and comfort to me, and gave me strength to choose life. And every day since He has made it possible for me to keep choosing life.