I’ve often heard, and I suppose I believed that the first Christmas (or other major holiday you may celebrate) without someone you love is the hardest, but now I’m not sure that’s true.
Last Christmas, it had been 6 months since Joey’s death, and I missed him so much, but I feel like I was still just in shock so much that I couldn’t quite come to terms with the reality. I had started walking and set my goal to run a 5k in 2013, and these goals were so important for me to keep moving and taking breaths every day, but in some ways they were also a much needed distraction at the time.
This Christmas, however, I have felt the absence of Joey much worse. The permanence of death has set in, and the least of things has moved me to tears. Read the rest of this entry
Holy, Moly! Just 4 days to race day! What???!!!! I’m praying the rain holds off today so I can get a good practice run in this evening. And I’m also praying that the perfect Jello-esque running socks I ordered arrive at my house before I have to get on a plane. It’s hard to believe the day is almost here.
It’s going to be a very emotional weekend as I meet many of Joey’s friends in person for the first time and see other’s again after a year. I look forward to hearing more stories about him as I see the places where he lived and played over the last couple of years of his life, seeing the ghost bike erected to honor his memory, and just soaking up the atmosphere of Austin.
The whole weekend, as well as the race, is my chance to honor my brother, to remember him and thank him for being the catalyst I needed to get started on my journey to an energetic, healthy, and passionate lifestyle. Joey’s death was a rude awakening to the reality of death, the frailty of human life. He always seemed invincible, but in truth no body is. I saw my lifestyle for what it was, slowly taking years off my life, and determined to stop watching my life go by and jump wholly into living it.
When I return from this trip, I plan on getting a new tattoo to represent the journey and letting go of Joey. I have held him tight through this journey, but it’s time for me to fly on my own. I will never forget him or stop loving him, but he wouldn’t want the rest of my life to be all about him either. As I’ve said many times, it’s about me being a better me.
Please think of me on Saturday at 7pm as I run the Keep Austin Weird 5k. I will be taking some of Joe’s ashes with me and scattering at the finish line if no one objects. Love to all my readers, and stay tuned for pics of the new tat!